LL about my husband being called back to the army for reservist. Bleah.

“Training to be soldiers 
to fight for our land. 
Once in our lives. 
Two years of our time. 
Have you ever wondered? 
Why must we serve 
‘Cause we love our land. 
We want it to be free…” 

It’s the time of the year again. I knew Poh was due to go back for his reservist some time back in 2013 and I merely shrugged it off. I’ve not gone through army personally but I was thinking to myself, how tough can reservist be? Poh has served his NS and is now doing what every Singaporean must do so it’s just part of his obligation and duty to serve his country til he’s released, right? Wrong.

As the day approaches, my dread increases. Why? At first, it was just for pure selfish reasons. I know I hate sleeping alone on a double bed. There is simply no sense of security. Our bed is located in a way that he’s always been the one sleeping on the side nearer to the windows so he’s always there to shield me, if there is going to be something funny coming through the window (I have a wild imagination) and knowing i’m a scaredy cat, albeit my strong front, he has lovingly agreed to take that spot. So, I know surely for the first night he is gone, I won’t like it. Some people could be rather solitary animal and I used to think that I’m one too. I thought I was tough and I could probably survive on my own very well but I was caught offguard by the growing uneasiness, speculating he won’t be in bed with me. One could probably deem me as too sticky or reliant but I think, if a wife does not feel the husband’s absence when he’s gone, then something must not be right, isn’t it? Yes, I know I should take comfort in knowing that he’s protecting the country and without the country, there will be no place to call our home but still, I don’t like the emptiness in the bed, in the house, in my life, even if it is only for just one day! It’s quite different about being out of contact the entire day when both of us are at work because at least we would be able to catch up during the evening, before bed time. Now, we are looking at a scenario he could be out of contact and he would out of contact until the army allows him to be in contact with the world. You may presume that it’s all my wild imagination but alas, the day neared. 

The night before he booked in, he began digging out all the stuff he need to bring back into camp. As I chipped in to help a little (ya… I wasn’t very helpful. :p), I couldn’t help but feel there was so much stuff he had to bring back. Not that he isn’t able to carry all that stuff but there was just so much stuff. After stashing them away for a good one year, looking at them again is indeed scary. After he packed them, he lugged them across the street (because I had absent-mindedly forgot to buy this month’s season’s parking! :/) and loaded them into his car as he was required to report to camp by 7 am. Even though the camp wasn’t far from home, we turned in exceptionally early because he has to wake up exceptionally early. I happily obliged since I had always wanted to turn in early for my beauty’s sleep. 🙂

Unfortunately, the day he has to booked in arrived. He got ready and left, after bidding me goodbye. It wasn’t all too bad at first since i was kept busy at work. He finished close to 7 pm and after he sent his bunk mate home, he picked me up from work. We were still chatting happily until he told me he would have to stay in soon. WHAT?!? My nightmare came true. 😦 We went for dinner and returned back to spend some time together before he would have to stay in overnight at the bunk the following night. 😦

So the first day passes. Again I was kept busy at work and towards the end of the day, I was thrilled to receive his message that he finished early! Yay!!! As I boarded his car, we started our daily chat and that was when I thought he looked skinnier. Dismissing my thoughts, we went for a sumptuous meal at the Soup Restaurant and that was when I realised that Poh did really lose some weight. He began to fill me in on the stuff they were told to do, things that we don’t usually do, like climbing 4 flight of stairs with his load, sleeping in the bunk that was really dusty. Gah… And the worst bit, he has to stay in that night. So even though we could have dinner togehter, he had to go back to camp by 11 pm! Boohoo! Worst. due to the waking up at the early hours, he was suffering from slight cold. Gah!

At 11 pm, despite my reluctance to see him return to camp, he had to go or risk being sent to the detention barracks if he were there by the time the gate would closes at 11 pm. AHH!!! So off he goes, and alone I spent the night on our empty double bed. SOBS!

Yes, the night went alright and when the day comes, I hit work. When work ends, my hubby was nowhere to be found! No text, no call, nothing at all! He was last seen on whatsapp at 5:36 am! Upset to the max, I made my way home and trudged to have my dinner on my own. It’s no longer about being alone but loneliness has kicked it. It made me think about the times I happily arranged for dinner with my peers and left him eating dinner on his own. I am really pretty selfish. 😦 Not that it is not right for me to have my own life, it is really pretty upsetting to not be able to find the one you always loved to have by your side when you would like to. 😦 It’s not just about having dinner, neither is it about accessibility. It’s already inclined towards wanting to know at least he’s ok, especially since seeing him shrunk a little after spending 2 days at the camp. 

He finally called on 7:16 pm and when we met, he’s gone down a little yet again. Be it loss of water, or loss of fats, which didn’t quite matter anymore at that point in time, it really pains me to know he is losing size due to the intense exercise that he underwent. Going into smoke chamber was one, road march was another. What knows what might come the day after and there’s still more than a week before the end of his reservist! 

As much as I know the rationale of this call of duty, and as much as I hope the army could just dote on him abit more, I guess this whole experience just helped me recap the whole notion of cherishing your loved one when they are around, especially when they are right by your side and not take them for granted. As much as it is a training for him to be fit and active, it is also a training for me to be independent, yet not too independent. Oh well… Another night of being on my own. I look forward to the weekends when he will finally be home for good. 🙂

 

 

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